1 Corinthians 12:22 “those parts of the body (people in the Church) that seem to be weaker are indispensable.”
This week has been an interesting turn of emotions for me. I am not an emotional person by nature, so having this rollercoaster of emotional week has worn on me. There are many reasons that have gone into this including: a coworker that I am very worried about and have been wrestling in prayer for, a distance that has been building between me and a loved one that weighs on me but I know is an important time so we grow our relationship in a new direction, and lastly a growing feeling that I am not truly loved.
It’s a thought that goes through my head that sounds a lot like: “people don’t like you. They only hang out with you because you’re funny and encourage them… puff them up so they feel good about themselves, but really no one is interested in you.”
Yeah. Where did that last one come from? I have always had strong confidence in who I am – because it is rooted in my relationship with the Lord. This new nagging feeling has been slowly building and it came to a breaking point this week.
Clearly this is not my own thoughts, but one the Enemy is speaking to me (John 10:10 the thief comes only to steak & kill & destroy). I knew that after a week of fighting to keep back tears (not something I am prone to do) that it was time to get away and bring my hurt & fears before the Lord (Philippians 4:6)
So here I am. Sitting in the mountains. Schedule clear. Bringing my requests to the Lord.
What exactly is my request?
I can’t blame my hurt on anyone. Although it would have been nice to be invited out when I saw that several of my friends were at a party or a restaurant all hanging out, it isn’t such a big deal that I should have felt as left out as I did.
For a few weeks I’ve noticed that several of my friendships have become one way streets. I am pouring into them, asking about them, caring for them… but I haven’t had the same done for me.
In a lot of ways my new “friendships” are actually ministry areas. Less like friendships and more like mentorship’s. In some ways I didn’t see this coming- because I love to serve. I love having opportunities to connect with the Lord by speaking His truth into others, or just doing the work that it takes to serve in different areas. It fills me with joy, so what’s the deal?
Is the problem that I’m not taking the time to be filled back up? Why would that be a problem, when my quiet times are amazing and my prayer life has been strong?
Is it such a big deal that these new friendships are not as deep as I would like them to be yet? After all, they are new and growing… it’s normal to feel left out when you are trying to be inviting and welcoming and others are not extending that to you, but things are still new… I’ve only been @BuckheadChurch for less than a year. Why does it matter if many of my relationships are one way?
Because I want to be wanted! I desire to be loved & known… I want people to like & love me- I want people to remember me and choose to invite me out because of that.
So there it is. I’m looking for my self worth in these friendships. In reality I know that my self worth lies nowhere near these people.
1 Corinthians 6:20 tells me that I am so valuable to the God of the universe that I was “bought with a price.” The highest price…
I also know that the Lord never stops loving me & beliving in me (Colossians 3).
What do I know to be true?
I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and I am being transformed into the likeness of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18). I don’t always see it, but I also know that my site is limited compared to Gods. For now I will rest in the knowledge that when I said YES to God, I was swallowed up in victory. He calls me his adopted, beloved, cherished child (John 15:15, Colossians 3, Romans 8:14-17).
There is great peace in knowing that I am right where He wants me & He loves me. God sees me washed and clean- and He knows me better than I even know myself (Psalm 139). How amazing! The God of the universe, who knows me inside and out, loves me!
Do you have that peace? When you get down to the root of your hurt and ask yourself what is at the core of it- do you know that you are unique and loved?
Look up the scriptures referenced here and ask the Lord to reveal to you the truth. He calls you indispensable. Do you believe that? It’s a word that is hard to accept about ourselves. You are indispensable to the Lord. This world would not be the same without you. You are a vital piece to the puzzle and furthermore you are loved. The God of the universe desires to know you inside and out.