What am I Worth?

Worthy
1 Corinthians 12:22 “those parts of the body (people in the Church) that seem to be weaker are indispensable.”

This week has been an interesting turn of emotions for me. I am not an emotional person by nature, so having this rollercoaster of emotional week has worn on me. There are many reasons that have gone into this including: a coworker that I am very worried about and have been wrestling in prayer for, a distance that has been building between me and a loved one that weighs on me but I know is an important time so we grow our relationship in a new direction, and lastly a growing feeling that I am not truly loved.

It’s a thought that goes through my head that sounds a lot like: “people don’t like you. They only hang out with you because you’re funny and encourage them… puff them up so they feel good about themselves, but really no one is interested in you.”

Yeah. Where did that last one come from? I have always had strong confidence in who I am – because it is rooted in my relationship with the Lord. This new nagging feeling has been slowly building and it came to a breaking point this week.

Clearly this is not my own thoughts, but one the Enemy is speaking to me (John 10:10 the thief comes only to steak & kill & destroy). I knew that after a week of fighting to keep back tears (not something I am prone to do) that it was time to get away and bring my hurt & fears before the Lord (Philippians 4:6)

So here I am. Sitting in the mountains. Schedule clear. Bringing my requests to the Lord.

Issues:

What exactly is my request?
I can’t blame my hurt on anyone. Although it would have been nice to be invited out when I saw that several of my friends were at a party or a restaurant all hanging out, it isn’t such a big deal that I should have felt as left out as I did.

Dig deeper:

For a few weeks I’ve noticed that several of my friendships have become one way streets. I am pouring into them, asking about them, caring for them… but I haven’t had the same done for me.

In a lot of ways my new “friendships” are actually ministry areas. Less like friendships and more like mentorship’s. In some ways I didn’t see this coming- because I love to serve. I love having opportunities to connect with the Lord by speaking His truth into others, or just doing the work that it takes to serve in different areas. It fills me with joy, so what’s the deal?

Dig deeper:

Is the problem that I’m not taking the time to be filled back up? Why would that be a problem, when my quiet times are amazing and my prayer life has been strong?

Is it such a big deal that these new friendships are not as deep as I would like them to be yet? After all, they are new and growing… it’s normal to feel left out when you are trying to be inviting and welcoming and others are not extending that to you, but things are still new… I’ve only been @BuckheadChurch for less than a year. Why does it matter if many of my relationships are one way?

Because I want to be wanted! I desire to be loved & known… I want people to like & love me- I want people to remember me and choose to invite me out because of that.

WOAH.

So there it is. I’m looking for my self worth in these friendships. In reality I know that my self worth lies nowhere near these people.

1 Corinthians 6:20 tells me that I am so valuable to the God of the universe that I was “bought with a price.” The highest price…
I also know that the Lord never stops loving me & beliving in me (Colossians 3).

Transformed:

What do I know to be true?  
I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and I am being transformed into the likeness of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18). I don’t always see it, but I also know that my site is limited compared to Gods. For now I will rest in the knowledge that when I said YES to God, I was swallowed up in victory. He calls me his adopted, beloved, cherished child (John 15:15, Colossians 3, Romans 8:14-17).

There is great peace in knowing that I am right where He wants me & He loves me. God sees me washed and clean- and He knows me better than I even know myself (Psalm 139). How amazing! The God of the universe, who knows me inside and out, loves me!

Do you have that peace? When you get down to the root of your hurt and ask yourself what is at the core of it- do you know that you are unique and loved?

Look up the scriptures referenced here and ask the Lord to reveal to you the truth. He calls you indispensable. Do you believe that? It’s a word that is hard to accept about ourselves. You are indispensable to the Lord. This world would not be the same without you. You are a vital piece to the puzzle and furthermore you are loved. The God of the universe desires to know you inside and out.

Get Real. Be Rational.

I keep hearing a word over and over in my daily life: “Really?”  People say it all the time- listen for it.
or sometimes in other versions “Seriously?!?”  So I’m now sensitive to hearing it- and that has got me thinking… 

Real1[reeuhl, reel]

1. unfeigned or sincere: real sympathy; a real friend.  2. being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary: The events you will see in the film are real and not just made up. 

So we’ve got this obsession with asking people if they really mean what they are saying.  “Are you for real?!?”   Why?  I am going to jump to an assumption here that the reason for most of you is the same for me… because I am seeking to know what is real and what is a lie.   

We have reality television on because we are need to see what the REAL reactions that REAL people have (although I’m not sure those are the most realistic people- you get the idea.)  

PiBeRational_Fullpic_1

The popularity for this form of television skyrocketed – and it makes sense.  Our world if filled with untruth.  Take your pick of a magazine cover and you won’t see much that is real- look up the trends for how much plastic surgery has increased and you’ll get the picture of people obsessed with looking like a mold instead of how they really look, sarcasm is our go to for daily conversation and it doesn’t surprise us anymore to be around people who create “drama” or lie out of a selfish desire for attention.  Our culture is filled with blame and a lack of taking responsibility for our actions and our sin. 

Is it any wonder that we react quickly when we come across people who are real?  Is it any wonder that we constantly question if things are real?  

 

I’ve found in my own life that I am drawn toward transparent people.  It is a quality I long to see in others, and I’m on a journey to become someone known to be transparent, honest, open and… real.   The thing that I am learning about transparent is that it has a basic requirement of humility.  Pride, arrogance, or a lack of understanding about oneself – convey a false perception of ourselves not a desire to reveal truth and honest love to others. 

The journey has required me to become more aware of myself, my feelings, reactions, desires and passions.  Being self aware is a HUGE part of being real.  It’s impossible to BE a person that you are not aware of.  

Join me on the journey- and feel free to leave a comment to start a conversation.

2 points for Honesty

Sitting here in Land of a Thousand Hills coffee house, a spot that has rapidly become a favorite spot for thinking, blogging, and spending time with the Lord.  I love this quiet, unique little spot where I can count on walking in, having Kyle ask if I’ll have my usual and feeling like a welcomed neighbor at the local coffee house. I curl up on the sofa and let the day wash away as I bring my requests and thoughts before the Lord.

inside Land of 1000 Hills
inside Land of 1000 Hills

 

 

There is something special about these moments. My coffee house moments. Away from all the commitments of work, church, family, friends…  They remind me of something the Lord has been whispering to me- the story of Mary and Martha and the difference in how they saw commitments. 

In Luke 10:38 there is a short story about Jesus visiting Mary and Martha.  Martha had opened her home to Jesus and was busy making all kinds of preparations.  How often I feel like Martha!  In remembering the words of Proverbs 31- I feel called to stay busy working to prepare and care for others.  And it is important to use the gifts and talents the Lord has entrusted to me for His Glory.  

—–
At the Home of Martha and Mary

 38As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

 41“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” 
———–

My most important call, however, is not to this work.  My highest call is my relationship with God.  I am a branch and He is the Vine- apart from Him, what am I?   Instead of focussing on how I can fit serving the Lord into my story (that’s SO backwards) – the real question is How can I serve the Lord in HiStory?  As Louie Giglio once brilliantly stated:  I can have a starring role in my own story, shining bright in my own eyes for the time I have here and be but a speck in history- OR I can take a role in being a part of His story- and be a part of something eternal.  I’ve made that choice, but I have to remember over and over.  I am far from having this walk down pat. 

That is the real meat of this post: 
At this present moment I am MAD. I’m frustrated at the lack of Martha’s who are willing to serve.  It hurts me to see the few do the work of many.  Where are the laborers?  

I see the needs all around me, and I overcommit because I see those needs and it is hard for me to let them go unmet- but when people refuse to commit it burdens me that the Lords work should still be completed.  And I get MAD when I see people who have commitment and don’t follow through.  I think what has frustrated me the most is how often I see this happening.  Those that know me know me to see things in black & white- right & wrong- clear no grey. So it is easy for me to believe that following through on a commitment is of utmost importance.  There are certainly times when the commitment changes or there are serious circumstances- and let’s not get tied down into the extreme- I appreciate that there are those… but let’s face it even in those times there is usually an opportunity to fight and work at it- but so often today we see no effort, just giving up.  More often than not an excuse to be selfish. 

How can we blend our opportunities to serve with taking the time to sit at the feet of Jesus?  There is unique joy in both. There are new connections to the heart of Jesus through serving, because when we serve His people- we serve Him. 

So I leave it to you to ponder with me. I’m figuring this out too. Not always well, because sometimes I get mad- and I’m thankful for these quiet moments before Him to have Him come and touch my heart and remind me of what He suffered, and the links His service went to… 

Thankful for Grace. Thankful for His love. Thankful for His forgiveness. 

Listening, Learning, and continuing to pray for guidance in walking in Love, 

Valerie Marie